Love the piece. Funny. Love the thought that goes into your diet … clearly advanced genes at work … hope the fasting gets you into smaller jeans!

I’m assuming the bagel guillotine is an actual devise and not a knife euphemism? Who knew that I could need another kitchen gadget … and I seldom eat bagels … I live in Italy – not a thing here.

Although we do have toasted ring thingies here that look like burned toilet seats. Add Nutella and the analogy is real. Italy eats its tyres (tires) with Nutella – not cream cheese. We civilised!

I’ve got a gadget that cracks the top of a boiled egg in a perfect circle. Its a weighted cutter that drops from a dizzying height attached to a stainless steel rod. Yes, it’s pathetic! But my boiled egg consumption has exponentially increased.

It’s not about the love of boiled eggs … it’s the Swissssh! Crack ! … for me. I think I was an executioner in a previous life.