Look I enjoyed the story, but I only have one question, in two parts:

Did your family start the Bubonic Plague; and

Has any member of your family shagged a monkey and brought us covid.

Once you answer those, I'll send messages of how wonderful this story is, but not before then.

PS - assuming of course you didn't bring the Plague or Covid. Although by your own admission, someone in your family lies. So there is that!