And why married men should be careful around them — Fine: Be careful of this word, it usually signifies things are NOT fine. And if the one hand is firmly placed on the hip while being spoken, be afraid. Be very afraid. It is usually used by women to signal the end of an argument in which you were clearly wrong…

Two things I know nothing about. There are other things … but none make me happier to know nothing about. — As a young boy, before Smartphones and social media, the closest I got to explicit porn was walking slowly through the tampon section of the local supermarket. I’d turn to see if someone was watching me. Holding a box of tampons aged eleven, was heady stuff. …

Or as I like to call it — Comida de los Muertos (Dinner of the Dead) — My middle daughter is cooking us Mexican for dinner. Mexico is simultaneously mourning its food culture. And I have been elevated from “you-know-nothing-father” to “encyclopedic-cooking-guru-father”. Surrounded by a growing mess, the fruit of my loins, ‘Miss Mexico Master-chef’ leans in and asks me question number 18 - Is cilantro the…

Unbelievable but true. — This guy was the perfect Robin Hood, only he kept the proceeds for himself. As my father used to say … “charity starts at home”. He didn’t include car washes or anything special, he followed the cardinal rule of success. Keep it simple! Cheap parking. I love this guy and…

And I liked it. — I am younger than him, can I claim it as my paedophile “life moment?” I had a normal upbringing, and need something to talk about at dinner parties. I have not been sexualized, overlooked, dropped, fat-shamed, raped, bullied, abused, racialized, radicalized, spat on, bummed, bitched, bitten, or beheaded … This could be my only shot at a sympathy moment. Much has been much written…

When non-issues become the main event. — I almost cannot find the strength to write this, is this what deflation feels like. And I am not a woman. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be a woman right now. For what it is worth, I am terribly sorry. As a man, I feel guilty…

I have just achieved the writer’s equivalent of the MILE HIGH Club. I am busy assuming “the” position. Feel free to kneel. — Recently I completed my 200th published article. Thank you. Please, stop clapping and be seated. AND now I am about to cross into the 1000 followers club. Oh! YOU ARE TOO KIND … STOP IT. Stop. These milestones are something that Medium should commend in some way. A commensurate financial…

This story would be Pulitzer-worthy if “nothing” was something or if boredom was prize-worthy, which it should be. — If you could not get through Smillew Rahcuef’s story, below, on boredom, definitely under no circumstances attempt this one. YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE. It’s the equivalent of going from a Peach Spritzer to 97% proof German Potato Snapps. Nothing is my home town. Nothing is 3 kilometres-due-fuckall of Lazy Town…

How you roster your wait staff will determine your success. — I owned my first restaurant at 20, and at my zenith had 13 units in both the U.K. and USA, simultaneously. When I began, I knew nothing. I was totally inexperienced in the art of people management and HR. But I quickly understood the power of persuasive management. …